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February 8, 2020

Trauma is the result of an experience we don’t want to relive, one that we feel helpless to deal with and believe there is no way out of. Our hearts are devastated, our guts wrenched and the only way possible to cope with the unbearable sensations is to numb them out....

February 15, 2019

The hero’s journey begins with a call from deep within that finally surfaces and can no longer be ignored. The call is almost always met with insecurity and fear, as the safety and comfort of the known must be left behind. The hero stands on the threshold pondering the...

June 29, 2018

One spring day in 1999, I received a call asking me to speak to a fourth grade class on being an author. People from all kinds of professions were being asked to speak at schools around Marin County, California on Career Day. I happily accepted. But as the day grew clo...

November 26, 2017

“Hello darkness my old friend, I’ve come to talk with you again.”

Raw is the only way I can describe how I felt watching Ken Burn’s PBS documentary on the Vietnam War.

What happens when you let the pain in? What happens when you let the truth in? What happens when you do...

March 6, 2017

(Note: This article was previously published in the Huffington Post.)

When I began the search in 1984 for the son I’d surrendered to adoption, I was so naïve. Never would I have imagined his adoptive mother wouldn’t want to know me. After all, we shared the same child,...

July 22, 2016

Over all the many years of being involved in adoption issues, since searching for my son in 1984, and with the thousands of stories I’ve been privileged to hear, I’ve made an observation about reunions. They mirror the time of relinquishment. The very issues that creat...

September 10, 2015


NOTE: I was asked to speak at a conference in Desenzano, Italy, whose sole focus was "The Search of Origin in the Evolutive Construction of Idenity." The topic was applied to adoptees, adoptive parents and surrendaring mothers. I was grateful to be asked to respond to...

June 12, 2015

One of the tragic consequences of the trauma we experienced is the way it can destroy the heart and soul of a beautiful person. The very nature of trauma causes us to relive our experiences over and over, until we can come to believe we are our experience. Our story ta...

April 21, 2015


“I feel like I’m walking on eggshells all the time” is the most common complaint I’ve heard over the years after an adoption reunion. Everything feels tenuous, and we are afraid of being real with each other for fear of losing the other again.


As long as the relations...

March 28, 2015


Getting in touch with our anger is an integral part of the healing process, given that suppression of anger was essential to our survival as adoptees and surrendering parents but thus buried so deep we often are no longer consciously aware of its stranglehold on our p...

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February 15, 2019

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